honestly, i can't remember the last time i slept so poorly. and the race isn't even until tomorrow. i think the mix of being a little worried about forgetting something at home, traveling to a new city, and my first race were all just a little too much. the caffeine i had at 3pm probably didn't help either. so i lay in bed until well after 1am with my gears spinning. finally fell asleep at some point after that and then woke up at 5am needing to pee. did this thing where i half-sleeping bargain with myself that i will get up but i WILL NOT RESUME THINKING. i will simply focus on going to the bathroom and then relaxing into bed. needless to say, it did not work. my mind was off and running. some time around 6am (which is when, with the change in daylight savings - 5am, i will need to get up tomorrow) i finally started getting really tired. of course it was time to get up soon thereafter.
given that this is my first race really i just want to have fun. but its extremely difficult for me not to get overburdened by the weight of my own expectations. i can tell myself, my only race goal is to finish (or something like that) but i know its not true. i have all these elaborate and obsessed over time (pace) goals that i am freaking out about that i know i shouldn't have allowed onto the table for a first race in the first place. argh.
for now, i am glad to be out of bed. am headed to the gym (very briefly) to work out any kinks on the arc/bike/elliptical for a few minutes and then do some stretching. want to leave plenty in the tank for tomorrow (which would be completely unnecessary, i realize, if my intention were simply to finish and not running for time).
i see a lot of people posting A, B, and C goals before their races and i like this idea. so again, although i realize my C goal should be my only goal, i couldn't resist setting up other goals. i am nervous about these because i have never run in a large group or with nerves seriously in play. what if i have to go to the bathroom and it takes 3 minutes? what if my shoes are giving my trouble and i have to stop to re-tie them? what if i get boxed in behind people? what if i totally freak out being in such a large group? for now, please think positive thoughts that none of these things come to pass and as long as they don't my goals are as follows:
C goal: Finish. My leg is 6.55 miles. This is doable barring bad and unexpected occurrences.
B goal: 55 minutes. This would be an 8:24 pace. Almost all of my tempo runs and long runs have been faster than this. But then again I stop my watch to tie my shoes or if stopped by traffic etc. Although a part of me will be disappointed with this pace I believe this is a respectable achievement.
A goal: 53 minutes. This is a slightly sub 8:06 pace. My pace tends to hover here on longer (6-8) runs and I would be very happy to finish with this time.
Last night at Wegmans, Marty Mazur (from the NVRC) came up to me and started chatting about the race this weekend. People with really good memories are risky to tell things to - let me say that. On our run 2 weeks ago I mentioned wanting to run an 8:00 pace for the race and so last night he brought this up, in the context of wishing me luck and conveying that he thought I could do it. Now I feel all this pressure to go sub 8:00. I don't want to be torturing myself about this. I am going to try to stop.
In conclusion. Wish me luck! Think speedy, healthy, and non-socially phobic/claustrophobic thoughts tomorrow. Gun time is 7:30am (don't forget the clocks fall back tonight). And please don't ask me which of my goals I achieved. Everyone else should pretend that my only goal was to finish, and be happy for me if I do that.