May - By the Numbers

I think I'm officially a multi-sport athlete after this month. I also think that my mileage may be unnecessary for an Oly distance tri in July. Would it be terrible if I confessed to fantasizing about a HIM in September???


Swim 32,200 yards, 10 hours
Bike 29 hours 8 minutes - all indoors
Run  93.5 miles, 13 hours 45 minutes
Other - 4 hours, miscellaneous elliptical, weights, core, walking

I'm quite pleased with both my swimming and cycling totals for this month. If I am able to continue with this amount of both, I'd be thrilled. In the coming month, after moving to Boston at the end of the week, I hope to take my cycling "to the streets" and start logging a lot of those hours outdoors. Then I'll have distances not just durations for my rides. I'm eager to see where I'm at in terms of speed given that I had done so much indoor riding over the past few months but have only been out on a real bike one time. I'm also pleased with my swimming. I think after the last few swims I have finally come around to wanting to get some pointers from a swim coach. I had been telling myself that I'm a natural swimmer; it comes easily to me; I can go for a long time without fatigue; I'm confident that my form is actually good; and my pace seems on par with the beginner triathletes' blogs I read...but after a few swims when I've watched "real" swimmers swim, its clear to me that there is a whole other speed at which swimming can happen and I'm not there. I'd like to see what I can do. I'm not a huge fan (or a fan at all) of drills (or strokes other than freestyle) but think I'd be willing to give it a few months to see if I have any untapped potential in the water. What do you think -- should I do this now or wait until the "off-season" to try to work on my speed/power.

My running has actually been relatively good this month. Was hoping to cross that 100 mile mark for the first time but I missed 2 runs which made it impossible. 93 miles is a new high for me anyway, so I'll take it. My posterior tibialis has been grumpy but no big problems (knock on wood). I had a distance PR this month of 14 miles and another solid 10.5 mile run this past weekend (both faster than my HM PR pace). I've had three days of swim-bike-run (one was swim-bike-hike, but I think that counts) and each one was more awesome than the last.

Overall, I'm really digging this HARDCORE. Cannot wait to race this July and make an honest triathlete out of myself.

an actual run

for the first time since January 1 i actually got out for a run. in order to be extra kind to my ailing foot/posterior tibialis i drove over to the Toftrees Trail and did the whole things on the soft macadam and mud. it was the slowest run i've been on since september but i was a run. 5 miles, just under 50 minutes (with a stretching break at the turnaround at miles 2.5). truth be told i didn't have a ton of pain. more like a nagging sensation and some increasing tightness in my left arch. the biggest thing, which i was somewhat aware of while running then acutely aware of when i finished and did a nice walk cool down was the degree of hypervigilance and fear i was experiencing the whole time. not exactly a relaxing way to run ;-)   

but it was a run. and i was glad to be out there in the 40 degree drizzle. i'm also a big fan of mud crusted sneakers...

i seemed to have missed the boat on 2010 resolutions but i have been slowly devising a plan for the coming year... in part all of my life decisions (including training possibilities and races) are having to wait until february 22 when i will find out where i will be working/living next year so there is no real use in trying to make plans until then. but, just between you and me -- i have my sights set on a triathlon. went on an awesome swim a few weeks ago and am planning to hit the psu pool this afternoon or evening. if i enjoy this swim as much as the last one (or even half as much) then i think i am going to set the wheels in motion. i have a training plan all mapped out in  my head. if the swim goes well, i'll post it here tomorrow.

I am an Extreme Sport Bean

My goal for this morning was to do 5 miles at an 8:00 pace in order to see if that would be feasible on race day. I intentionally picked a relatively downhill course. To be accurate, the first two miles are on the uphill but then its flat and downhill for miles 3 through 5. I had some butterflies in my stomach before starting and was feeling the pressure a little bit, psyching myself out. The first mile or so of every run seems to be the hardest for me. As my lungs and legs get used to the exertion, I have these thoughts like, "I won't be able to keep going" "this is too fast" that I have to not pay too much attention to. Even though the route I took I've done a number of times, I still don't have a very clear sense of pace so I was basically pushing myself as hard as I felt I could without coughing up a lung, puking, or passing out. Okay, okay, it wasn't really all that fast or all that close to any of those possibilities. Just felt "hard." If I had had a heart rate monitor on I'm sure I'd have been in the 90+% MHR range and would have backed off. I think thats what a race pace is supposed to feel like though, so I kept slogging along. I didn't actually ever feel like I got in a good rhythm, but mile after mile ticked away and each one was sub 8:00. I have trouble reading my watch while moving, without risking banging it into my face (vision is rapidly declining as a consequence of advancing years and graduate school) so I wasn't quite sure where I stood... I came to my "finish line," pressed the stop button and looked down. 38:11!  Splits below:

7:43
7:42
7:45
7:37
7:24 
I grabbed my knees, gasped for air, hocked a nice loogie, rested for about 30 seconds then continued on at an "easy" pace (meant to be around 10:00) for the 1.4 miles back home. Took just under 13 minutes before I arrived at my door. Legs felt heavy, not sure whether that was from the all out running or the 2/3mile hill to end the run. Stopped to stretch. Noticed the gorgeous blue sky, mild breeze, perfect day -- whoops! missed that during my run...  Came inside and munched on some watermelon sports beans, mmmm... In my pleasant endorphiny state thought to myself - "I am an Extreme Sport Bean"

Am now sitting here shivering under a blanket. Am not doing exactly as much reveling as I should be. This was a good run. A hard effort. Gave me a sense of how hard I might be able to push on race day (not quite this hard, as I don't think I could have done 1.55 more miles without giving in, but close). And really, it was quite a bit faster than I realized I could go. So I should feel good about this. Let me ponder that while I shower.

bring it

turns out 35 and driving sleet is gorgeous running weather!!!  my gear was not perfectly matched to the weather but not too bad. man tights have a slight disadvantage that i wouldn't have anticipated: the space in front for man goodies makes it difficult for me with my internal sex organs to keep them from sagging in the crotch and leaving a little area exposed to friction - for any sort of longer distance this could have been a really painful proposition. fleece did provide a nice barrier against the rain and then sleet but it was a little warm (for me) for above freezing temps. will need to look for an even lighter fabric.  the rain kept me relatively cool. i particularly like the sensation of the hot sweat coming out of the pores and mingling with the cold rain hitting my face.

run specs: 37 minutes, 4.44 miles (8:20 pace), 4 breaks to hike my tights back up into place (sorry to anyone who got a glimpse of this funny show).

Hot and Sweaty

So after yesterday's exceedingly painful run my faith faltered. I went back and forth and back and forth and finally decided to head back to Rapid Transit to talk to the shoe guy. My shoe guy (ok we only met once) wasn't there but another shoe guy was more than happy to help. We tried on a bunch of other pairs of shoes, some better and some worse than the Saucony Omni 8's I already had. In the end he felt that I shouldn't keep running in shoes that were giving me pain at a level 8, so I made a switch. I am now the proud (actually, more like cautious) owner of a pair of Adidas Supernova Sequence 2s. I haven't worn Adidas in more than a decade, but they felt good in the store, even on my aching feet. The other thing that I took away from this anxiety driven visit to the store was that all these running guys think I need to be running more often than I am. In some ways this runs counter (no pun intended) to everything Jeff Galloway and other coaches seem to be saying about only running 3-4 days a week. These shoe guys seem pretty confident though. Shoe guy #2 even said that it was better that I go out for a 1.5 mile run every day with only one longer run each week, than to do 3 4-6 mile runs per week. He also felt like I shouldn't be running such a large proportion of my weekly distance on any one run -- that is, that my long run is too long given my total mileage. So blah-dee-blah-blah, here we are at Wednesday. I went to the gym this morning and had a quick 30 minute rendezvous with the Arc trainer followed by a 25 minute weight circuit. Not a great workout by any means. Feeling hesitant on my feet and again worrying about my shoes and whether I shouldn't have kept the Saucony's in the first place. Then it rained all afternoon. At 5pm the rain stopped, just long enough for me to take shoe guy #2 up on his suggestion of a quick run around the block (even on a non-running day). It was hot and humid (my least favorite combo) and my legs felt a little leaden from my squats and deadlifts, but this was meant to be just a jog, so I had no excuse. 12 minutes later, back at the house, feet feeling ok. Phew. Shoes are definitely not as cushy as the Saucony's but no pain for now. We'll see how they do tomorrow with a few more miles. Now, I need a shower.

Who else has shoe/feet issues? Am I doomed as a runner, or can the story have a happy ending?

How much is too much?

Pain, that is.

Today I ran my first day of longer intervals (400m). In the past I would do 1minute intervals and never had a problem. That second minute is brutal. So here's what I don't get: my average speed for my workout was slower than my Sunday run (given the slow recovery periods) but by the end of the workout I was totally destroyed. I could not have run another round, and when I tried to just do one or two quick 200m intervals, they were a no-go as well. At first I took this to be a sign of success. The one mile cool down was tough, and I basically just slapped my feet against the treadmill belt until I could justify stopping. Normally, when I take off my shoes my feet instantaneously feel better. Not so today. In fact, my normally well behaved foot has gotten steadily more painful as the day has gone on. What am I doing wrong, people? Someone please tell me... Is it possible that the treadmill isn't good for speed work? This seems counterintuitive to me. But I can't afford more pain like this. Pain in my joints (ankles, feet, wrists, and hands) really gets under my skin; it makes me think about my parents' arthritis. And I plead silently to the powers that be: Not me! Not yet!

Is this why people take ice baths?

Doubt your doubt.

Some lessons seem to take longer to learn than others. For me, anything that involves giving myself a break or cutting myself some slack is exceedingly difficult to do. As I get out for more training runs this is coming into stark relief. 

I spend my days denigrating myself without even putting up a fight. I receive luke-warm feedback from a supervisor, say something with not quite the right word choice or affective modulation, get on the scale and see anything other than a number lower than the last and I'm off and running. The things I say to myself and about myself, I would never say of another human being. Although I often enjoy the fact that people see me as a tough cookie, who speaks her mind and doesn't take shit from others, I simultaneously really value human beings and human subjectivity. When others are suffering around me, I take their perspective seriously (whether or not they may carry some sort of diagnosis). When someone tells me they are worthless, hate themself, or are inherently flawed, although its easy for me to understand and I truly empathize with their bind, I can't say that I have ever agreed. Silently (or aloud), I fight for people to honor themselves and to know themselves. Yet, I am my sternest critic. I am my worst enemy...  

Back to the running now... In the past, when I have decided that I wanted to be "a runner", I would quickly and viciously put myself down for my shortcomings. Feet too flat. Body too heavy. Pace too slow. Not surprisingly, the running hasn't lasted long and I've returned to safer waters. 
Slowly, I think I may be learning something.  Now, I will admit that it is easy for me, on a day like today, when I ran exceedingly well, felt strong, and came in with an unexpectedly good time, to tell myself that things could be different. More importantly though, when I was about two miles into my run (I don't have a watch, only the track switches on my ipod to retrospectively check pace) and had forgotten which street marked the two mile mark, and counted as one minute and then another passed and I still didn't see the road I was looking for and started telling myself that I was way off my pace from last week, I miraculously let it go. I told myself, that I was out on a beautiful Sunday morning, with pain-free feet, comfy new running shorts and whether my pace was 8:00, 9:00, or 10:00min/mi it would be fine. And it was. Legs kept pumping, scenery kept moving. Two miles later, another shift: I started thinking about what my body was doing for me. Now this may seem like kids' stuff, but for me it's significant. I tend to relate to my body in terms of what I can subject it to or how it withholds success from me. A body that is on my side, rather than against me, sounds pretty damn good. 

As I sprinted the last 200meters of my run and then gasping clutched my knees for about 2 minutes, I said "thank you" to myself - and meant it. 
8:12 splits over 6 miles, was just icing on the cake.

Trying easy

A few months ago I found an AWESOME podcast, of which I am now an avid listening. Power Yoga with Dave Farmar is a Baptiste Power Vinyasa podcast, led by (you guessed it) Dave Farmar, a student of Baron Baptiste. I particularly like Farmar's teaching style and flow. Although he tells the same jokes over and over, I find that its actually quite endearing. He also comes up with these utter gems of wisdom and sprinkles unassumingly throughout his classes. Things like [in down dog]: "Ok, now drop your head. Ok, now drop your day. While you're at it how about you drop your entire childhood." He also talks about finding a balancing between muscling through and giving up. For me its so often about powering through, generating some sort of (angry) vigor to make things happen, or else I'm left feeling utterly depleted. In this same vein, my favorite Farmarism is when he instructs you to stop trying so hard, and to try easy. Thirty seconds, or two minutes into a warrior sequence this can sometimes seem like the most absurd suggestion imaginable, but on occasion its just whats needed.

After my successful run on Sunday I spent much of the first half of the week psyching myself out about my next mid-distance run; basically talking smack at myself, doubting that these sorts of runs were replicable. Today I was due for a basic 4 mile training run. I dutifully pulled myself out of bed and headed to the gym, with low expectations. Then miraculously, as I laced up my shoes and tic-tic-tic-ed my way through my ipod to my intended playlist, Dave Farmar came to mind. Why don't I try easy? Not muscle, just flow. If I need to slow down, I'll do that. If I have a little more, I can pick it up. Regardless, it will be a run. The sweat will flow,  the blood will pump, my feet will follow one after another. And I ran, without judgment- listening to the music in my ears and the rhythm of my feet on the belt. It was pretty sweet. Not a super fast time, but that wasn't really the point. And as I emerged from the gym, into the cool morning air, for my walk up the hill to the Psych Department, things didn't look half bad. In fact, they looked pretty good. Something about the crisp fall air gets me every time.

One foot after the other. Along the road.