I should be on the trainer right now. I have one of those unusual mornings where I actually have the time to get in a 2 hour workout and didn't have to get up til 6. I don't have to be at work til noon (if I do 3 hours of work at home). And yet I'm not on the trainer yet. I was looking forward to this workout. 70 minute ride, 50 minute run. I love this workout. I'm sitting at the computer.
On Sunday I was finally ready to drop the cash to register for my first A race (of 2) of the season, the Patriot Half Ironman. I got to the website and it was SOLD OUT! There was a waitlist which I gladly paid $1 (plus $3.25 in processing fees) to get on. But I have little hope that I will make it off the waitlist. And now I can't sleep. 2 nights in a row. I feel totally turned around. I have been training for the Patriot. I want to race the Patriot. I have been thinking about the Patriot. Everything feels all wrapped up in this race. This race that I felt I could be ready for. Last year I sort of blew my load jumping straight from 1 Oly into HIM distance. This year I was stoked to feel ready. My endurance is there. I did a combo workout 10 days ago with 2200yds swimming, 56 mile ride, and 10.5 mile run. I felt awesome after. I was exactly where I wanted to be. Now I don't know where I am.
I don't want to race in July/August at HIM distance, its too hot. I overheat too easily. Yet Ironman Rhode Island (70.3) is the nearest and closest (date) race. But I don't know the course (they're changing it). Rev3 Quassy sounds amazing but I looked at the bike map and I just don't feel like I could handle the hills. (Read: I'm afraid). I feel like I keep looking for courses that I think I am ready for and there are so few. Tinman (Tupper Lake, NY) looks good but its 5 1/2 hours from my house and its the weekend of my last week of work, tough timing. I'd have to convince my husband or mother to drive with me and its a lot to ask.
I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out. This sucks.
[Thanks to those who already responded. I appreciate everyone who does swing by my blog and give me feedback. I think acknowledging that I shy away from hills was important. I spent my workout fantasizing about Quassy...so there is a 4 mile hill with 600ft elevation gain...so my time may be a little slower...sooo?]